Unlike so many of my friends and family, I haven't yet stepped onto the 'traditional life path.' Maybe someday I will, but maybe I wont. To be clear, I'm not for a moment suggesting this way is any less or better than any other, its just different to what I know. Instead I seem to live more a nomadic and free type of life. Wanderlust energy runs high through my soul. This somewhat nomadic pull plucked me swiftly out of the 9-5 city life.
I remember that part clearly. After much study and a string of wonderful work opportunities I found myself in an old hospital ward from the early 1900s. I wasn't sick (or maybe I was), this place had now been turned into our offices. The space was gloomy and cold and I was reminded how old this place really was when I looked up from my desk to see the old oxygen tap that once operated from the wall beside me. There were no windows in the office and it was small, fitting a few desks for our team. The energy here was dull and heavy and I could feel the spirits of those ailing souls lurking within the four walls where I worked day in day out.
After a short time I began to wonder what I was really doing here, spending most of my days in an old hospital ward at a desk working in a job I didn't really connect or relate to. Had I lost my marbles or my mind somewhere on this journey? I'll never forget the subtle pull, the intuition that started to show up in my life day in day out. The voices and messages I would hear were things like 'what are you doing here', 'there's so much more to life', 'why are you working 9-5', 'don't you want to get out and see the world and live the life.' At first I tried to ignore them but they were far to real to be shut down and pushed away. As they grew louder and clearer, I started to side with them, I knew they were right. Eventually I brought a ticket to Buenos Aires, packed up my life and vowed to myself to never again return to this style of work where I seemed imprisoned in mystery.
This simple trusting of intuition scared me at first with a strange sense of comfort. I had no idea what was next, where I would go, how I would make money or what I would do. I just knew I had to follow the guidance. Reflecting on the journey that unfolded ahead of me makes me eternally grateful for paying attention and trusting that strange pull.
Since then I have been blessed with countless opportunities for travel and wanderlust, new beginnings and endings, new places and new friends, goodbyes, sad endings and everything in between. Rarely has there been solid plans mapped out too far in advance. There's always been the option and opportunity to literally do whatever I want. What an incredible place to live from. I do my best to realise this every single day.
Its not always as easy as that though. When I returned to my home town, I was instantly surrounded by others that did not have these options or this lifestyle. Although we ALL have the option to do whatever we want, I know there are hefty limitations and challenges for those with families, mortgages and careers. Being in my position makes it more simple than so many others to access these opportunities.
But I always wonder if that life is better, everybody else seems to be doing it and my mind wonders. If I just have the family, the house the job Ill be much better off. But I quickly realise that I am not 'everybody else.' Id fallen into a trap of wrong minded thinking, comparison and judgement. I had forgotten how lucky I really was. I felt uneasy for 'not having it all figured out' not feeling settled and getting on with my life how others would. The social pressure had eaten my mind in to a place of guilt and unhappiness.
A few months ago I was given a wake up call by one of my beautiful guiding mentors. She said to me..."you have the most amazing life"...whenever I see what your doing its something new, something else, a wonderful opportunity. Your always going on adventures to new places, climbing mountains, jumping into waterholes, dropping down canyons, visiting waterfalls, surfing, travelling doing whatever it is you seem to dream up. What an amazing life.
These words sent me on a spaceship far away from the stories in my mind, the ones that I'd been engrossed in for so many weeks. How could I feel so ungrateful for this life I am living. Focusing on what it 'should' be like or how it might be better if only I had this or that. This is simply not true. I have everything I need right here, right now. She was right I have the most amazing life!
But underneath all of these feelings, these realisations and happenings in my life right now there is more 'pulling' more intuition and guidance showing up to show me the next step. Perhaps this is why I feel the way I do. Maybe I'm not quite in alignment right now, or there is something better for me coming soon.
What is next? Another step forward, there will always be another step forward, a choice to make for the path ahead. Because if I stop making choices there will be no more steps forward, life will stagnate and remain the same. It will become dull and boring and frustrate me to the core.
I was inspired to write this post after spending time with one of my favorite humans. An incredible man who has been in my life for a long time now. He has played many roles in my life friend, coach, mentor. His wisdom and insights never cease to amaze me. 'Yoda,' some might call him. This is not the only piece I will write from this inspiration, in fact I think the next one will be a little better. Stay tuned.
Hey there Wanderlusters, Adventurers, Travellers and Soul seekers...
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