Saturday morning passed quite quickly. For the third time in six weeks I was down in the operating theatres. I was a regular now. The operation was over before I knew it. Again waking up unsure of what had happened. Again I came crashing back to reality in no time at all.
In total I spent seven days in hospital on the second stint. It was physically, mentally and emotionally draining. Visitors occasionally rolled in. My family was the first to support me. My training buddies and close friends also visited. Although it was the middle of summer the weather wasn’t that great. One day the rain pelted on the windows. My ego mind was was in full force as I thought to myself ‘the weather was just as miserable as I was.’ In times like these my inner voice would also speak out. It had been seemingly strong during this ordeal. So much so that I even surprised myself at how well I was coping. This time it told me again to be positive. ‘There is a reason this had happened, you just don’t know it yet. Stop looking at the negatives.'
Looking back now, I believe it was my attitude that helped me though this injury and rehabilitation. In the first instance when the snap occurred, I didn’t break down. Carrying a brave face I looked forward unfazed by what had happened. This kept me in high spirits but also kept my feelings inside. When I returned from hospital for the second time, I broke. Emotion poured out and they heavy feelings set in. Fair enough too. What I built my body up to be had broken. Years of training and hard work down the drain. During this period I couldn’t do much but sit at home and wait. Thinking about my feelings, thinking about what had happened and thinking of ways to entertain myself.
There were times when I just couldn’t do anything at all. My back would ache from being in the same position. Sometimes I didn’t want to watch TV, I didn’t want to read and I didn’t want company. I would just sit and stare into space. Hoping that a magical idea would come along to cure my boredom.
Simple tasks became difficult. Showering, grocery shopping, getting from A to B. Being on crutches means not only do you loose you leg but you loose your arms and hands as well. Fortunately for me, during this time my sister had moved in. She did everything for me. I could not have coped and remained sane without her. I can’t thank her enough for her support during that time.
Nights were the hardest. I simply can’t recall how I managed. The pain and was discomfort unbearable. Like nothing I have experienced before. One night I gave up my fight to avoid the strong painkillers. I couldn’t remember how many to take. I took two. It worked like a treat, perhaps too well. Later that night I attempted to grab my crutches and head for the bathroom but it was no use. The drugs had knocked me out. I couldn’t even make it to the door. Returning to bed and out like a light.
This period was a tough time, but it had to be stuck out. Life is all about timing, I had decided. Things happen at certain times, for different reasons. I strongly believe this and still do. The reason why I ruptured my Achilles when I did is still not clear to me. I don’t need to know that now, I just trust that one day it will become clear.
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